It has been one week and a day that my world came crashing down The pain that my heart feels, still, is aggravating and agonizingly deep. It burns and the brightness keeps my mind at an uneasy rest. I do not want to be felt sorry for, but only by him. It hurts me worse when others feel like I do right at this moment sorry. I see others, happy and living life with their mates and mine is no longer wanting me.
I sit, and I cry every day and every night hoping that all will be resolved and forgotten. But not so. It will not leave my mind. The pain. The pain will not surrender its grasp on me and will not let me be. I read the letters constantly. Oh, the love letters! So filled with hope and longing that I, myself, long to have once more. They fill my eyes and my heart with tears and false hope that one day he will be back to take me again. To put out the bright burning in my heart and replace it with the hidden passion I still feel for him, only to make it stronger! I miss those happily placed days when all that was the focus was me. How I miss being held and nuzzled upon by the very nose I miss kissing. How I miss having sweet little messages sent to me at night, waking me from my sleep so that I may only sleep more soundly.
Though we lived together, I still miss getting little hints of 'I love you' that left his lips. I miss waking up in the morning next to the one that held my heart in his ever loving hands. And I held his, but it seems he wanted it back
I do not know this for sure, but I hope, I pray that I still have his like he promised I would. Oh how is heart was kind to me those months. So kind. It still confuses me
why did this happen and why will he not let me in to help? He claims he does not need it but being alone will not heal what is broken. I just sit here in this somewhat empty house now and contemplate to myself the things that could be fixed
No, I know what can be fixed. I know, but he will not do them so tenderly. He will not sacrifice the things he has done so long and will not keep the things around him that he needs to help him through his understandings of what needs to be fixed. He won't and that burdens my mind to the point of almost insanity. I don't know what to do completely and all I can tell him over and over is that I love him so much that I break down at the mere thought of him and how we were.
I hope he lets me in
I hope. I love you with all that I am and it is honestly hard to be away.